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Your name: Your email: Your age: Your sex: Female (This is non-negotiable. D./MD/DMD I go to the Vo-Tech, climb under a car, and sleep all day Jay Truck Driving School what’s edumacation? Your pheromones are too sexy to cover up I don’t like myself, and I’m hoping you’ll treat me like a used-up stripper Everything “You’re deceptive.” When would you like to go out with me? ) The kids at school used to call out “Baaaby Ruuth” when I would walk by No, really, I don’t think you understand: I am UG-LY “Daddy says I’m ‘this close’ to living in the yard! : Cheap flowers Expensive champagne Your A game I like shiny things A unquenchable libido Astroglide A shoehorn Amniotic dysentery A small, hairless Asian boy Your enema bag collection “And I want a bike and a monkey and a friend for the monkey.” What will I do when I see you?
: Highest level of education completed/currently working towards: high school diploma high school equivalency (GED) associates degree bachelors degree master’s degree MBA/JD Ph. : Accidentally Yahoo/Google A friend told me An enemy told me You told me about your stupid page I can smell your desperation from here A scorching case of herpes led me here God hates me Blind hogs eventually find acorns “I fell off the jungle gym and woke up in here.” Why are you filling out this form? : Your caustic wit and ambitious verve Your cute face and hot body Your caustic wit and ambitious verve Your constant use of foul, discourteous language The way you show no regard for the feelings of others The way your immense ego blocks out any real emotional depth You make me laugh Your single-minded obsession with all things Tucker I like how you never use deodorant. : My beautiful eyes My sharp wit My compassionate nature My incredible intelligence My huge breasts I have the ass of a 12 year-old girl My cottage cheese thighs My sphincter can break a beer bottle My matted pubic hair My charming autism My colostomy bag My willingness to use sex to get what I want My perfect landing strip “The tar fumes are making me dizzy.” What would you expect me to bring?
Please do not try to call or write, If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
)_______________________________ ________________________________Mother's Signature Father's Signature _______________________________ ________________________________Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State or Federal Government Representative _______________________________ (Their stamp goes here )Notary Public Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
I want to hitch my wagon to your star, and this is Step 1.
: Whenever When you are available Hey, we’re on my schedule here, Date Boy When your heart stops As soon as I finish gnawing off my left leg When I get over my herpes and pink eye After I suck off a Great Dane How about never? “This is my sandbox, but I’m not allowed to go in the deep end.” How would you rate yourself in terms of your physical attractiveness? ” How would you rate yourself in terms of your intelligence? That’s unpossible.” How would you rate yourself in terms of your emotional maturity and stability? : smile drool start jumping up and down yelling “UH, UH, UH” pretend you’re not Tucker Max feign epilepsy vomit uncontrollably curse the anonymity of the Internet run like a track star run like a crack fiend “I can’t breathe good and it’s making me sleepy.” What will my friends say when they see you? I wish I was him.” “Another tall, hot blonde with no self-esteem–he’s getting laid tonight.” “She’s the hottest thing since nuclear fusion.” “Tonight’s forecast calls for scattered clothes, with a significant chance of intense, passionate humping.” “My Lord–she smells like the fish market.” “Well, she’s too ugly for him to date… says he sleeps with her anyway.” “I wouldn’t call her fat, but he’s gonna need the Jaws of Life to get out of this.” “Oh shit…somebody call 911.” “She’s just an expensive escort.
” “Her face looks like it caught on fire and someone beat it out with a rake.” Do your friends control your love life, you pussy?
Through the magic of Social Media, there were literally people from around the world who piped in with comments. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you? I SUGGEST RUNNING.) ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend ___________________________________________________ How often you attend ________________________________________________When would be the best time to interview your: Father? __________________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TOTHE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, INDIGENOUS AUSTRALIAN BULL ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS_________________________________________________________ Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, slowpoke! ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you? _____________ SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank. A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________________________________________________________B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:______________________________________________________________ C: A woman's place is in the:______________________________________________________________D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:______________________________________________________________ E. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ F: When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:______________________________________________________________G: What is the current going rate of a motel room?